There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
