just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
