i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
