He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
