sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
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There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
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You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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