i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
