some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
pray to the hookup gods
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize