As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
