Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
