I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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