I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize