Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
