im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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