We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
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