life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize