Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
