nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
