I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
