Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
