Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
