is your mom at the bar?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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