Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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