Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
