We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
how drunk are you?
Several
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
