It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
