Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
