Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
