My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Randomize