I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
