??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
