I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
not ubering you a puppy
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
