I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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