She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
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