the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
