I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
