Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
the day after is always just damage control
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
We don't watch enough power rangers
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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