I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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