too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
