if i can run in heels then i can drive
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
