She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize