She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
