Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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