if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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