Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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