I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
