the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
