Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
