so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
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After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
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Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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