Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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