I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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