I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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