i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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