Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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