the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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