Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
