I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
