She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
How drunk are you?
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