in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
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the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
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after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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