if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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