found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
