i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
