if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
