I swear god or herbie drove my car home
pop tarts are not kleenex
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
