Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
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It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
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the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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