I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
