My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
