She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
