Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
