none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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