There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
